How do we remain authentic and genuine in an age where we are more rewarded for quantity and output?

The feedback we tend to absorb from others, intended or not, is that more is better. In school we need to hit a word count in our essays. In work we must increase productivity and the speed at which we solve and manage problems. In friendships we are pressured to participate in everything that time allows us to. The irony is that even when we wholeheartedly throw ourselves into “more” we are left lacking. We find ourselves struggling to feel satisfied with our relationships, our work, our performance, and output that falsely promised us closure. 

How can we learn to imbue our interactions and creations with authenticity, when we are constantly being pulled by internal and external forces to get to the finish line? A line which once crossed, is forgotten, as we immediately begin the next race.

The solution lies in disengaging. We are in a constant battle to extricate the difference between the path the world has seemingly set before us, and the path we would choose for ourselves. We are not told the truth of the matter - we are granted total agency over our path forward, and we can turn back at any time. 

We are taught to create systems, routines, and processes to move us forward. What we are not taught is that every system that involves humanity is incomplete. When we are working with ourselves, and especially when we are working with others, we are working with incomplete information. There is no finish line upon which crossing we become fully aware of our internal mechanisms and desires. Output and results are not conducive to moving forward in a way that leaves us fulfilled.

When fully engaged in the process, be it work, school, exercise, or relationships, we can miss the signals coming from within. When we pause, and step outside of the process, we recognize truths that were present but not readily apparent. From basic signals that we have been identifying since birth such as hunger, thirst, hot and cold, general observations of other people, etc. To more subtle though grandiose signals, like - Is this relationship serving me? Is this idea one I am ready to commit to? Is this path something I am prepared to recommit to?

Our goals change, our desires change, and our internal landscape is as malleable and subject to change as a cloud on a windy day. It is, then, essential that we cultivate our capacity to look inward. To assess whether the systems we or others have created to move us forward are indeed doing so. The spectrum of output to intention is not a fork in the road with two defined choices, it is a thermostat which we can tweak or overhaul whenever the need arises. When we allow ourselves stillness, despite the world’s inherent commotion, the answers present themselves, seemingly from the ether. 

This brings us to another challenge thrust upon us by the world we participate in. When we feel an inability to engage with the normal world as a result of something beyond our control - a breakup, the death of a family member, or simply overstimulation or burnout, our habitual response is to engage in something less challenging. Social media, porn, drugs & alcohol, you name it. Unfortunately, rarely do we reengage with the world feeling rested or revitalized. We are just teaching our brains that when things get challenging, the easier route is equally rewarding. As Andrew Huberman says, and I’m paraphrasing - Anything that offers us free dopamine without complementary effort should be regarded with extreme caution.

People often say they have some of their best thoughts while in the shower, driving, or lying in bed. There is even a subreddit dedicated to “shower thoughts” with over 34 million members. This comes as no surprise as these are some of the only times where our mind is occupied enough to not get lost in thought, but not so much that we are distracted from our internal landscape. 

When we allow ourselves stillness, the answers present themselves.

Learning to sit with ourselves in the stillness gives us all the answers we need to move forward in a more fulfilling way. Unlike most activities and practices, there is a massive potential for immediate results by doing this. When you first begin to pause in the middle of an argument, take a break in the middle of a project, or sit still at the end of the day, you can expect discomfort. We are not taught to do this, and moving on to the next thing is hard wired in our brains. Allow the discomfort to arise, and remind yourself “this too shall pass”. Within the discomfort lies wisdom that only you have access to. Sitting in stillness with your own thoughts shows you many things, right away. 

How do you respond to discomfort? How do you respond to trying new things? What is at the forefront of your mind that needs tending to? What is happening in your life right now, that is not your preferred experience? Can you allow that discomfort to exist, and use it as information on how to tweak your thermostat to move forward? 

When we sit in stillness, and gauge my thermostat, we have infinitely more answers on how to respond to our lives. Rarely do we solve problems in stillness, but we can always gain clarity on the path forward.